Author: Mark Espinosa

READY PLAYER ONE Movie Review

Art by Rick Lucey Where the hell is RAINBOW BRITE? In the year 2045, no one knows what the hell a meme is (Sorry AMERICAN CHOPPER argument panels). Imagine a world where… instead of cat-fishing your algebra teacher in an AOL chat room, you grew up piloting digital avatars in a hyper-realistic virtual landscape called The Oasis? Now, throw in some references to Atari, Dungeons & Dragons and BUCKAROO BANZAI, and you got yourself READY PLAYER ONE. How about we ‘Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Select Start’ this review. Video game reference! The brainchild of...

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TOMB RAIDER (2018) Movie Review

Art by Jean Chen At one point, Lara Croft punches a dude in the dick and half the audience started cheering. I really don’t want to call this movie a reboot. I enjoyed the original films but, always felt like they missed the mark on what made Lara Croft an interesting character. I always saw her more as a Metroid and less of a Cammy. The opening scene in this new TOMB RAIDER immediately attempts to change the cultural perception established in those earlier films. It’s an ambitious task, especially if you’ve spent more than 2 minutes talking to...

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SUPERNATURAL Season 12 Review

Art by Matt Harding Heads up! Some spoilers up ahead for those not caught up. This is a review for the 12th season of The CW’s SUPERNATURAL. The 12th season… of SUPERNATURAL… Twelfth. Dayyyyyyyummmmm. I guess I should start this off by recapping Season 11?  Well. It ended with God (and his sister) floating off into space and Momma Winchester coming back from the grave. There. The Road So Far. Lets get into it! I’m fairly certain that I start every SUPERNATURAL review the same way. “I didn’t know where they were going when the season started, but, I...

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IT (2017) Movie Review

Art by Vincent Kukua Clowns. Am I right? Should I be concerned that clowns don’t frighten me? I mean, they don’t arouse me either, I don’t think? Clowns are nothing to me. How did I dodge this particular psychological bullet? I suppose I understand why some people find them terrifying. They exist just outside of reality. They have human features, but exaggerated. Feet and hands that defy logic. When they dance, the world moves and their faces stay centered. They are calculated and nonsensical. Their movements are unpredictable. Their flavors are sweet and salty. Don’t even get me started...

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RICK AND MORTY Season 3 errr 2 Review

Art by Adam Cahoon (In the honor of Rick Sanchez, I wrote this completely obliterated. -Mark Espinosa) (Editor’s Note: In honor of writers writing drunk, I’m drunk, and not going to copyedit this post. -Jason Furie) “I’m Pickle Rick!” Has that episode even aired yet? Shit, man. I dill even know. I feel like I’ve been screaming “Pickle Rick” for weeks now. I feel like I dreamed it up. This is meant to be a season 2 review and If I learned one thing from season 2… It’s that you… Never.Go.Back.To.The.Carpet.Store. If that was an online post, I would...

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The CW’s SUPERGIRL Season 2 Review

Art by Jean Chen I honestly can’t tell you what network SUPERGIRL was on before it came to the CW.  Was it CBS? I think it was CBS. Who’s idea was that?  Idiot. Welcome to the CW, SUPERGIRL.  I hope you survive the experience. Okay.  Season 2 was outstanding.  Of course it was. The folks in the Arrowverse know how to make quality comic television…on a budget. You know, I’ll tell you a little secret… I never finished season 1 of SUPERGIRL.  I know, for a fact, that there are episodes in there that I never saw.  I know...

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THE FLASH Season 3 Review

Art by Mike McG Heads up, there are some spoilers ahead! The Flash is dead, long live the Flash. I was expecting wayyy too much from Flashpoint. I can say that now.  My therapist would be so proud of me.  When season 2 of THE FLASH ended with Barry deciding to go back in time and save his mother from dying, most of us knew what was coming. Barry was about to jack up the timeline. Personally… I thought he was going to meld the Arrowverse with the Supergirlverse. I’m so happy that didn’t end up happening. Wow. Look...

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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES Movie Review

Art by Max Harley Rogerson Spoiler: There will be no pirate puns in this review. Alright. I’m confused. Will Turner stabbed the heart of Davy Jones and became captain of the Flying Dutchman.  Easy.  This means that he is now responsible for ferrying the souls, of those who die at sea, to the afterlife.  Double easy. It’s not as swell as it sounds.  You see… You’re only allowed to go on dry land for 1 day, every 10 ten years.  This is a major kick to the anchors. Especially if your wife is Keira Knightley.  When Davy Jones had the...

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ALIEN: COVENANT Movie Review

Art by Adam Roth It’s been almost five years since PROMETHEUS premiered and people still love to shit talk it. (Guilty.) I think I was complaining about it four days ago at a bar: “A real scientist wouldn’t do that on an alien planet!” “Why is she running in a straight line!?” I think I was halfway through explaining how idiotic it was for Charlie to take off his air mask when I realized how much I hate the human beings in these movies. The corporations. We really are the worst. We send inexperienced people into dangerous situations based solely...

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LEGENDS OF TOMORROW Season 2 Review

Vandal Savage has been defeated. Thank God. I will start this off by saying that LEGENDS OF TOMORROW is the most ‘comic book’ show on television. Donald Duck the haters. Yes. It definitely stumbled in it’s freshman year. (Don’t get cocky, season 1 is a little rocky.) It was bogged down by its central premise of defeating Vandal Savage. I can’t believe how excited I was when it was announced that he was the villain and how annoyed I was with him by the season finale. The whole season stank of ‘suppressed awesomeness.’  It had all this potential that...

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RESIDENT EVIL: THE FINAL CHAPTER Movie Review

WARNING: Major spoilers within…but does that really matter? Can you believe it?  The final RESIDENT EVIL movie is upon us.  Did you honestly think you would live long enough to experience this moment? RESIDENT EVIL:  THE FINAL CHAPTER (Is this really the final chapter? Really?) starts off a short time after the events of the last movie. Did that sentence mean anything to you?  Let’s play a game… Can you remember what happened in the last movie? Can you remember anything that’s happened in any of the movies and what movie it happened in?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not...

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SUPERNATURAL Season 12 Premiere Review

Saving people.  Hunting things. The family business… Same as it ever was. I can’t believe that this is the 12th season of SUPERNATURAL. What? Really? Yup. Really. The problem with any show that last longer than 7 seasons is finding new ways to keep the show fresh. Listen to me. I’m clearly an industry expert. Blargh. I mean, I feel like I’m preaching to the choir on this one. Obviously, that’s the trick for all shows laster longer than 2 seasons. Each season of SUPERNATURAL seemed to be all about hitting that new next level of madness. Hell. Purgatory. Existential...

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LEGENDS OF TOMORROW Season 2 Premiere Review

We’re the Justice Society of America and were here to kick your dicks off! I was expecting the season premiere of LEGENDS OF TOMORROW to be good and… hooboy… was it pretty damn good. When LEGENDS was first announced, I immediately fell in love with it. You have this pocket universe being formed on the CW with ARROW and FLASH. You got characters regularly crossing back and forth between shows. Everything matters. Everything has consequences. It’s the tits. Then, you bring along a team of super bad asses traveling through time trying to kill an immortal tyrant? Check, please! As dope as all that was… Season 1...

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THE FLASH Season 3 Premiere Review

What the shit, Barry? How can I both love and hate time travel at the same time. It’s quite the paradox.  Listen.  I’m not proud of that joke either.   When done right, a story about time travel can present a very fascinating look into the significance our ordinary decisions can have on the world. “Biff!  You’ll break his arm!” Time travel can also lead to lazy story telling.  When every horrible thing that happens can just be undone with one quick trip into the past, nothing matters. There has to be rules. There has to be something that keeps...

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Netflix’s STRANGER THINGS Season 1 Review!

STRANGER THINGS is a ‘critical hit!’ I wanted to make that joke at the end of this review, but I couldn’t wait. HONORABLE MENTION:  This show goes all the way up to Eleven. In the first episode of STRANGER THINGS, Will Byers wins an issue of Uncanny X-Men #134 off of Dustin in a bike race. What the hell happened in Uncanny X-men #134 and why does that even matter? Lets talk about it at excruciating detail! (Wait. Mark. Are you seriously telling me that a big chunk of this review is about a Google search you did in the first...

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SUICIDE SQUAD Movie Review! Was it Really THAT Bad?

How many people did Enchantress have to kiss in order to make that soggy army ? I really don’t know what to say about this movie. Everyone with an internet connection seems to have something to say about it. ‘The editing feels sloppy.’ ‘The music cues are jarring and clearly trying to ripoff GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY.’ ‘Rotten Tomatoes.’ ‘Box Office.’ ‘You’re all just hating on it cause it’s not Marvel’. ‘This movie is about Amanda Waller trying to create a team of meta humans to combat metahumans and the next metahuman attack ends up being the result of Amanda Waller making that...

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S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 3 Review!

In 2008, a ‘Phil Coulson’ would approach Pepper Potts and tell her that he represents an organization called the ‘Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.’  It’s a mouthful.  He knows. They are ‘working on it.’ No need, Phil. Your acronym game is strong. A couple months later, Tony Stark would walk into a bar and inform a very grumpy General Ross that ‘they were putting a team together.’ Who is? In 2011, a funny thing happened on the way to Thor’s hammer. Phil Coulson and his mysterious crew would show up again, this time in New Mexico, because...

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RESIDENT EVIL: THE FINAL CHAPTER Trailer!

Okay.  Help me out with this. Did Alice lose her super powers at the end of the last movie or the one before that? Did she ever get them back? I know that her army of clones were wiped out. Which, is a bummer. Where’s Michelle Rodriguez? Did she die in that huge underground city?  That was the last movie, right? I think a version of her lived? No. She died saving that kid. Who’s kid was that? I’ve seen all these movies so many times and now they are all splattered across my memory.  There was a boat that had...

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Netflix’s LUKE CAGE Trailer Review!

Sweet Christmas!  Now, that’s more like it! I was going to review that LUKE CAGE trailer that got released at SDCC, but, found myself having a hard time figuring out what to say about it.  Yeah, I was excited to see something… Anything… for LUKE CAGE. (How great was it to see him rampage down that hallway full of goons?) Still… I don’t know. It looks great and it looks like it’s being done properly. Still… There was something about that comic con trailer that didn’t sit right with me.  I felt like it lacked heart.  I’ve seen long fights take...

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SDCC 2016: The CW Fall Lineup Looks Amazing!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LGQRbPERaU FLASH (Tuesdays. Premieres on 10/4) Barry Allen. Why do you run fast and make bad decisions? I know you miss your mom.  It sucks that Zoom killed your dad. A hero deserves better. How could you possibly think that going back in time and saving your mother was a good idea? It’s not. No good. You are going to wake up in a reality that is very different from the one you left. #Flashpoint. Do you even have powers anymore?  Maybe. Well, of course you do. How else are going to fix all this nonsense? We’ve seen this story before....

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