Holy snap dragons! The 4th Season of WALKING DEAD really stepped it up to the next level! After a few hit or miss seasons, this one was full of cohesive story telling and gripping plot developments. This season was exquisitely paced and left me super excited for every following episode. Every character was forced to come to terms with their past and accept their new roles in this world. I found myself cheering in one episode and sobbing in the next. Definitely my favorite season by far! Alas, it wouldn’t be a WALKING DEAD recap if I didn’t completely undermine my appreciation for the season by recapping it with childish sarcasm. So… Enjoy!
1) Wow, Rick. Way to give up the leadership role and focus primarily on the upkeep of the newly established prison farm. I bet you think this is going to somehow curb your madness and help steer your son off of the destructive, emotionally disconnected path he was heading down? Enjoy your pigs, you big idiot.
2) Oh look, Rick runs into a savage looking woman, in the woods, and she tries to feed Rick to the disembodied head of her husband. I bet this somehow reminds you of your own psychological break while trying to readjust your moral compass in this new apocalyptic environment, you big ole knucklehead? Hey, Rick? Remember when you saw the ghost of your dead wife all over the prison? Yeah, best be remembering that before you start throwing stones, you stupid banana boat.
3) Hey, Bob! Nice to meet you, new character! Looks like you got a taste for Grandpa’s cough medicine? I wonder how long until that comprises a supply run? Oh, about 2 whole minutes? Way to bring the walkers through the roof and get Beth’s new boyfriend Zach eaten alive. Why don’t you go back to the bushes you crawled out of?
4) Speaking of Beth. Looks like somebody has a case of the ‘Im going to emotional distance myself from the reality of our situation and not grieve the death of my boyfriend’ itis.
5) Carol is secretly training the kids in the prison to defend themselves and how to properly use knives? I’m sure that won’t have negative repercussions later on in the season…
6) I bet all you idiots at the prison (including all you new dumb dumbs from Woodbury) thought that it was going to be all sunshine and puppy dog licks from here on out, didnncha? I suppose now would be a good time to drop a highly deadly and infectious virus on your asses that results in people secretly reanimating during the night and eating your faces. Yeah! I bet you jerks didn’t see that kick to the balls coming? Huh? HUH?!?!
7) Big surprise, Carol is now going to be raising two little girls named Lizzie and Mika after their ‘slow poke’ father is bitten during a virus zombie outbreak. Maybe you can try and keep these kids alive for a little bit longer than a couple of weeks?
8) Hahahaha! Someone is feeding rats to the zombies, resulting in them concentrating on one area of the fence and significantly compromising it’s structural integrity. Looks like Rick is going to have to sacrifice all his new little piggy friends in an attempt to lure those walkers away. What a maroon!
9) Don’t worry. Tyreese. I’m sure your sick girlfriend is going to be fine. I highly doubt someone is going to murder her in her sleep and burn her body in a weak attempt to protect the rest of the prison from infection. Oh… my bad.
10) Oh no! Glenn is sick. Whatever.
11) Alright, Hersel. We get it. You’re tough. And you’re wise. I bet you think you’re soooo great by helping Carl understand the balance between reacting with violence and reacting with control. You ole geezer.
12) Looks like everyone’s favorite crossbow wielding muscle head, Daryl, is going to be leading a posse of emotional ‘unstables’ to a veterinary clinic in search of medicine. Maybe you can pick up a new sleeveless leather vest along the way?
13)Wait. Daryl? You’re going to bring Michonne, Bob and Tyreese on this mission? You do know that Michonne is blinded by revenge. Bob is blinded by booze. and Tyreese is blinded by grief. (Personally, I’m blinded by SCIENCE!) You’d have to be completely blind to not see how much of a bad idea this is. Blindy Mc Blinderson.
14) Hey. Writers of the WALKING DEAD. Nice weak attempt at showing us how cut off from the rest of the world our survivors truly are by giving us a glimpse of the massive herds that surround their borders.
15) Wait? What’s this? Rick confronts Carol about killing Karen and she quickly admits that she did it? Am I suppose to be surprised or something?
16) Tyreese. Geeezzzz. We get it. You’re broken over your girlfriend’s death. But, can you at least TRYYY not get eaten by every cluster of zombies that circle you?
17) Nice to meet you ‘optimistic happy go lucky’ kids that Rick and Carol run into on a supply run. I bet you’re going to last a very long time with those optimistic dispositions. Oh look, isn’t that your foot?
18) Boo Hoo. Rick tells Carol that she can’t come back to the prison because he knows Tyreese will kill her the second he finds out that she killed Karen. Cry me a river, why doncha?
19) Looks like all the sickies back at the prison aren’t doing so well. After a few folks die and come back, Hersel appears to be up to his suspenders in ‘bloody eye’ zombie action. Sadly, even Glenn’s little ‘coughing fit’ and weak attempt at dying isn’t enough to keep Hersel from being embarrassingly heroic.
20) And FINALLY, the medicine arrives. Way to take your sweet ass time, Daryl. Remind me to never ask you to go get some life saving medicine for me.
21) There’s nothing like a little quality ‘father and son’ time to really put things in perspective. Once the fence gives in and the walkers start pouring in, Rick is left with no other choice than to bring Carl back into the world of violence and toss him a fine ass semi automatic machine gun. Nothing like a sweet ammo pass to really bring a father and son together.
22) Big surprise. The Governor is back. Sweet theme music, bro.
23) A flashback episode. Great.
24) Wellll… Apparently, after the fall of Woodbury, our friend the Governor lost all his mojo. I hope he has an eye patch for his heart? If only he would stumble into a situation that could help redeem him and refuel the fire of gumption in his heart. A situation like, oh.. I don’t know… something like stumbling across two inexperienced sisters and a little girl (who happens to remind you of your dead daughter) trying to take care of their dying father who is in desperate need of a new oxygen tank? And then… maybe, you would have to kill the father after he turns and you convince them all that they should get in a truck with you a leave, to only stumble into a pit of zombies and meet up with your old friend Martinez, the same guy who saw you lose your shit and kill a bunch of innocent people? Then, you can join his new group, slowly infiltrate its rank and then undermine his authority. All while falling in love with Lilly and becoming a father figure to Meghan. I’m sure something like that would help redeem the Governor, right?
25) Or… you can kill Martinez the first chance you get. Then, kill his replacement Pete. Then blackmail/seduce his brother Mitch into thinking it was the right decision and take control of the group. THEN, convince the entire group that attacking the prison is in their best interest. Oh yeah, don’t forget to capture Michonne and Hersel and keep them hostage in a Winnebago.
26) I guess it’s time to attack the prison again? Deja vu. But first, make sure to leave Lilly and Meghan near a lake where nothing could possibly go wrong.
27) Back at the prison, Daryl is mad at Rick for exiling Carol. Tyreese is mad at everyone for not discovering who killed Karen. Glenn is madly in love with Maggie. <barf> Plus, somebody is dissecting rats and leaving them as trophies around the prison. Awesome. Lets get all this figured out before something bad happens. Wait, is that the Governor at our gates, with a tank?
28) Well, that went as predicted. Rick, did you really think the Governor was going to tuck away his crazy, unite the two camps and live peacefully under one prison together? I think his answer of decapitating Hersel should be a sufficient enough answer. Bye Bye, Beardo.
29) Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! It’s an all out battle at the prison. Take your bets. It’s the ‘Prison Gang’ vs the ‘Rollin’s RVs.’ We got tanks! We got crossbows! We got people losing their shit and realizing the Governor is a complete psychopath! For our main event, we have a bloody bareknuckle brawl between Sheriff Rick Grimes and the Gonzo Governor! With a surprise tag team surprise from Michonne! Who will win?! Here’s an hint, it’s Michonne’s sword through the Governor’s chest.
30) Actually, if we’re going to get technical. The real winner is Lilly, who arrives carrying the body of her dead daughter, Meghan. Shes the one who puts the final bullet through the Governor’s head.
31) Did I forget to mention that the ‘safe lake’ that the Governor left Lilly and Meghan at was full of underground mud zombies? Oops.
32) Once the battle smoke begins to clear, Rick and Carl discover baby Judith’s bloody baby carrier. I guess that’s what you get when you let a couple of kids babysit your child in a world full of flesh eating corpses?
33) Rick and Carl on their own. This is going to be interesting and angsty. At least, until Michonne snaps out of her little emotional episode and gives up on her walk with the walkers.
34) Rick sure does like slipping into comas. Yeah, Carl. Now is the perfect time for you to go out and prove your independence. We get it. You can handle yourself. Except for all the times that you can’t. Go get your shoe back from that zombie and quit eating all that chocolate powder. It’s bad for your complexion.
35 )It could be worse, Rick. You could be Tyresse and have your hands full with Lizzie, Mika and baby Judith. Oh yeah, she’s alive.
36)Lizzie is my kind of kid. Tough. Sticks up for herself. Murders bunnies. Suffocates babies when they cry too much. You know you’re messed up when you win the ‘Creepiest kid in the zombie apocalypse’ award. Don’t worry, once Carol shows up, she’ll knock some sense into the sociopath.
37) Look! Signs for a sanctuary named ‘Terminus.’ Terminus. I suppose ‘Screwedupburg’ was too long?
38) Glenn and Tara meet up at the prison and become allies. Glenn better make sure he doesn’t tell his girlfriend that his new friend is the sister of the girl who was hooking up with the man who murdered her father.
39) Finally, a nerd with a mullet.
40) Don’t you all just love a little quality time between Carl and Michonnne? Especially when she talks about how she had a baby and it died because her boyfriend and his friend were high when their camp got overrun with walkers. Least now we know where her two zombie bodyguards came from. Good times.
41 )Even when Rick is at half capacity, he’s still smarter than the average shit kicker survivor. A pack of savage and brutal scavengers, circling Rick and his small group. I’m sure that won’t come back to hurt them later? WALKING DEAD Season 4: The Foreshadowing.
42) Beth, I know you just watched you dad get decapitated and maybe your sister is dead, but, do you really think having Daryl help you break into a country club so that you can have your first drink, is really such a good idea?
43)Peach Schanpps. We’ve all been there, Beth. Luckily, you have a friend like Daryl to show you how it’s done. Moonshine, anyone?
44)Daryl, I know you’ve also had a tough go of things and I’m happy that you’re finally able to vent your emotions, but, do you really think burning down a cabin and creating super crispy zombie walkers is really going to help you come to terms with things?
45) Oh look. Beth and Daryl stumble onto a funeral home where someone is cleaning up walkers and giving them proper burials. Yes. Please. Spend the night there. I’m sure Beth wont get kidnapped by some rando in a Cadillac…
46) Ah. Daryl meets up and is cocered into joining up with Rick’s savage scavenger buddies. I ‘claim’ that this also will not end well.
47) On the plus side, everyone is on the road to Terminus. I’m sure everything will be okay once they all meet up there…
48)It turns out that Lizzie was the psychopath in training who was feeding walkers and dissecting rodents at the prison. Maybe if we try and level with her, it’ll make her less crazy? Its not like she’s going to murder her little sister so that she can come back as a walker. Good thing Carol knows how to deal with people who are potential threats to her loved ones. Click. Click. Boom.
49) I’m happy Tyresse takes the news of Carol killing his girlfriend so well. That’s the true test of any friendship.
50) Big surprise. Daryl’s new buddies turn out to be the most disgusting excuses for human beings in the zombie apocalypse. They seemed like such good people! I mean, right up until they threaten to brutally murder Rick, Michonne and Carl, but, only after having their way with them. (Seriously dude, get off of Carl.) I hope they don’t mind Rick having his way with them by biting out the throat of the leader and savagely disposing of the others?
51) Listen, Im not saying Flashback Hersel was wrong, but, you can’t always keep your hands completely clean in this new world, Rick. You’re going to have to learn to walk that line between doing what needs to be done and maintaining elements of your humanity. Besides, what does Flashback Hersel know other than how to grow a fancy ass beard?
52) I’m sorry, but did you really think a open door community called ‘Terminus’ was really going to be salvation for our heroes? Rick sure the heck didn’t. Especially when he notices members of the community wearing articles of clothing and momentos from his fellow prison gang. Okay, they don’t seem that bad at Terminus. It’s not like they are some sort of cannibal cult…
53) Looks like everyone is captured at Terminus. (Except Carol and Tyresse.) Rick, you make a lot of mistakes. I will say, you are definitely right (for once!) when you say that the people of Terminus ‘screwed with the wrong people.’
Final Score: 9 out of 10