Spoiler Alert: The following Recap contains major spoilers for those who are not completely caught up on AMC’s THE WALKING DEAD Season 3. You have been warned.
POP QUIZ, blood suckers!!
It’s THE WALKING DEAD test time! Don’t worry, I made it multiple choice because I know how much you slackers hate having to write in the answers. I’m an a generous god.
This test shouldn’t be difficult for anyone who paid attention during the second part of season 3 of the Walking Dead. The rest of you.. well..
Oh.. and.. This will count as 6o% of your final grade. Enjoy!
1) Home sweet home. Rick and the rest of the prison gang return home and are introduced to Tyreese and his buddies. At first, Rick is reluctant to take on new members. Before he can come to a decision, he sees something that sets him off on a psychotic freak session that startles the fuck out of everyone. What does Rick see?
A) Someone has eaten his last Fig Newton.
B) The eyes of his daughter.
C) The ghost of Lori.
D) Carl looking at Tyreese’s ass.
Answer: C. Yep. THE WALKING DEAD goes there. The second half of season 3 is full of Rick going on romantic jaunts with his dead wife, Lori. Needless to say, Tyreese and his buddies high tail it out of there. Also.. obviously, everyone is checking out Tyreese’s ass.
2) It’s time for a field trip! Cut off your hand and stick a butter knife to it, cause it’s time for some sweaty road adventures with Daryl and Merle! Knowing that the group would never accept Merle, Daryl chooses blood over friends and takes off with Merle into the woods. Daryl quickly realizes that this may have been a bad decision. What does Daryl witness Merle doing on the bridge after they rescue a small group of survivors from a zombie attack?
A) Inappropriately touching himself under the eyes of God.
B) He threatens the survivors and attempts to steal their supplies
C) Merle uses a puppy as zombie bait
D) He confesses that Jar Jar Binks was his favorite STAR WARS character
Answer: B. Merle’s time with the Governor has obviously taught him a few bad habits. It becomes clear to Daryl that this is not the same Merle he knew before the world fell face first into the crapper. It’s also clear that Daryl has changed too when Merle reminds him that they originally had planned to rob Shane and the others when they were all set up on the mountain top.
Additional information: There’s an interesting scene where Merle calls Glenn ‘that Chinese kid’ to which Daryl responds ‘he’s Korean.’ This is only interesting because in the second episode, Daryl called Glenn ‘Chinese’ and Glenn responds with ‘I’m Korean.’
3) Did somebody order a large zombie with extra anchovies? Everyone seems to be recovering from their time with the Governor. Maggie and Glenn can’t seem to get past their assaults. Rick spends most of his time outside the fence communing with Ghost Lori. Ding Dong! What’s this? The Governor shows up with an ice cream truck full of zombies and drops them off in the middle of the yard. With the main gate destroyed and the yard full of walkers, the group does their best to fight off the Governor and his men. Watch out, Rick! All the commotion has drawn the attention of some walkers and Rick gets pinned down. How does he escape the unwanted advances of some flesh hungry zombies?
A) Lori ends up being alive and rescues him.
B) The Lady of the Lake throws Rick Excalibur and he uses it to fight them off.
C) Daryl and Merle show up and save the day.
Answer: C. Yep. Daryl and Merle show up and rescue Rick and the others. If you want a war, Governor, we’ll give you a war… Or not. I mean, there’s like 6 episodes left in the season and we can’t blow out load too soon.
4) My name is Andrea and I’m only going to make things worse. With the townspeople now looking to Andrea for guidance and the Governor clearly off his rocker, she decides that the best thing to do is go see the prison gang in an attempt to get shit figured out. She escapes Woodbury and almost immediately runs into Tyreeses and friends. With an amputated zombie as protection, she points them in the direction of Woodbury and continues onward to the prison. Upon her arrival, she is confronted and manhandled by Rick and the gang. They tell her about the Governor’s attacks and that peace is unlikely. Before leaving, Andrea is given some advice from Carol. What does Carol suggest Andrea do?
A) Suggest a wet hot threesome with Rick and the Governor?
B) Starting a ‘no boys allowed’ group somewhere in the Catskills.
C) Paint her nails
D) Seduce the Governor and kill him in her sleep.
Answer: D. Yep, Carol has definitely toughed up this season. At first, Andrea scoffs off Carol’s idea and returns home to Woodbury. After a sweaty night with the Governor, we see her pick up a knife and push it to the sleeping chest of the Governor. We watch as Andrea comes to the realization that the Governor is in fact evil, but is still unable to kill him. Bad move, Buster Brown. She also attempts to kill him later on but is stopped by Milton. Fucking Smithers.
5) Group Bonding Exercise. Rick decides to go on a run into town with Michonne and Carl. Why not? On their field trip, they are ambushed by a masked assailant who has set up boobie traps all over Main Street. Carl manages to get the upper hand and knocks him out with a bullet to the chest. Don’t worry, he was wearing body armor. They remove the mask and discover that this is no stranger at all. Who does the masked man turn out to be?
Answer: D. Wait, you don’t remember who Morgan is? Oh. He’s the guy that rescued Rick in the first episode of the series. He’s also the guy that Rick continually tried to contact on his walkie talkie. You discover that Morgan was unable to murder his zombie wife and she eventually ended up killing his son. Ouch. Tortured by this, he has taken on the task of completely clearing out the town. He gives Rick all the weapons he has collected and sends them on their way.
Bonus Question: What do Carl and Michonne risk their lives for at a zombie filled restaurant?
A) A twinkie
B) A bottle of Jagermeister
C) A photo of Rick, Carl and Lori
D) The Olsen twins.
Answer: C. Carl and Michonne bond on a mission to retrieve a family photo so that his new sister will know what her mother looked like. Rick also confides in Michonne about seeing Lori and Michonne responds by telling Rick that she saw her ex boyfriend for months after he died. .. Weirdos.
6) Table for Two. Andrea actually does something right and manages to get Rick and the Governor to meet and discuss their situation. Naturally, there’s a lot of pissing and chest smacking. Outside, Daryl and Caesar trade zombie killing tips and Hershel and Milton share a tender moment. The meeting eventually hits a boiling point and the Governor tells Rick he will leave them alone on one condition. What is it?
A) Herschel has to cut off his pony tail
B) He wants Michonne
C) Daryl and Rick have to kiss
D) Rick has to make the Governor sheriff of Happy Town.
Answer: B. Yep. The Governor wants Michonne and I’m pretty sure its not because he likes her style. We later see the Governor laying out a series of torture tools in some type of Woodbury Torture Chamber. One of the items is a metal speculum. If you don’t know what that is.. well… that’s probably for the best. Andrea sees all of this and decides that it’s time to get the fuck out of Dodge.
7) What’s it gonna be Rick, Yes or No? With a few hours left for Rick to decide whether or not to give Michonne over to the Governor, Rick goes to Daryl and Hershel for council. They all, reluctantly, agree with Rick and tell him that they are going to need Merle to do the dirty work. Rick purposes the option to Merle and he accepts it. Despite it being a ‘cold decision’, Merle accepts his role. Daryl confronts Merle about the dark path he is on and Merle expresses that this is just his lot in life. Sad face. Don’t worry! Rick changes his mind and calls it off! But.. it’s too late, Merle has already captured Michonne and is en route to drop her off with the Governor. Does Merle..
A) Gives Michonne to the Governor in exchange for him leaving the prison alone.
B) Realizes he can be a better man, lets Michonne go and ambushes the Governor.
C) Successfully seduces Michonne and shows her his super sexy arm attachment.
D) Wakes up and realizes the entire show is just a meth induced nightmare.
Answer: B. Merle realizes that he doesn’t have to be the man they all believe him to be. He decides to let Michonne go and stages a surprise sneak attack on the Governor. After taking out a few of the Governor’s men, the Governor eventually gets the drop on him and puts a bullet in his stomach. Bye Bye, Merle. We loved your racism. :/
Bonus question: What does Daryl find when he shows up at the Governor’s meeting place?
A) Another sleeveless black leather vest
B) Zombie Merle
C) Dying Merle
D) Flirty Merle.
Answer: B. Yep. Daryl shows up to find his brother eating the bits of one of the Governor’s men. Daryl, being the good brother, repeatedly stabs Zombie Merle in the face and puts it out of its misery. Daryl is obviously a little devastated by this.
8) Breaking up is hard to do. After a relentless chase that takes up an entire episode, the Governor eventually captures an escaped Andrea and ties her up in his Woodbury Torture Chamber. He then stabs Milton in the gut and locks the two together. Gulp. As Milton slowly bleeds out, Andrea and her perfectly manicured toenails attempt to break free with a pair of pliers Milton left for her on the floor. GROAN. OH NO! Milton is a zombie and is coming at Andrea, what happens next?!
A) Zombie Milton has memories of Andrea and does not attack her.
B) Andrea kills him, but not before he takes a big ole infectious bite out of her neck.
C) Andrea breaks free and is able to heal Milton with the power of love.
D) Rick shows up in the nick of time and takes his reward from Andrea’s ass.
Answer: B. Rick and Michonne do eventually show up, but not until after Andrea has been bitten by zombie Milton and begins her own zombie transformation. She gets to say her goodbyes and express her sadness around not being able to establish peace between the two groups. Michonne stays with her as Andrea takes her own life with Rick’s gun.
Additional information: After seemingly taking her own life, you hear a bullet shell hit the ground. But, the gun she uses doesn’t actually discharge rounds after firing. Looks like some knucklehead in the sound department made a little bit of a boo boo.
9) The Road to Nowhere. The Governor and a few Woodburians ambush the prison and lay waste to all in their path. Oh no! They discover that the prison is seemingly abandoned by Rick and his group. As they journey deeper into the dark catacombs of the penitentiary, they trip a flash bomb trap and trigger alarms that alert nearby walkers to their presence. They are then shot upon by a heavily armored Glenn and Maggie. Shocked and scattered, they take to their cars and flee back to Woodbury. The Governor forces them all to pull over on an abandoned stretch of road and confronts them about their cowardly retreat. They all express a disinterest in continuing their attack and wish to simply leave the prison gang alone. How does the Governor respond?
A) He kills everyone except his two top henchmen.
B) He is convinced that an attack is pointless and happily returns to Woodbury
C) He convinces them to go back to the prison and continue their attack
D) They discover an abandoned ice cream factory and enjoy a quick scoop.
Answer: A. At his psychotic breaking point, the Governor begins killing all who opposed him. Unbeknownst to him, one lucky Woodburian, Karen, survives the attack and informs Rick and his crew of the Governor’s violent betrayal.
Bonus question: What are the names of the Governor’s two top henchmen?
A) Bruce and Willis
B) Fitz and Pedro
C) Ceasar and Shumpert
D) Ceasar and Salad
Answer: C. I would have also excepted, quiet black guy and cocky latin guy.
10) Who’s your daddy now? Let me tell you, Carl is definitely becoming a cold son of a bitch. At one point, Carl says “I couldn’t take the chance. I didn’t kill the walker who killed Dale, look what happened. You didn’t kill Andrew, and he came back and killed mom. You were in a room with The Governor and you let him go, and then he killed Merle (and Andrea). I did what I had to do. Now go. So he doesn’t kill any more of us.” What is this quote in relation to?
A) Carl killing a young Woodburian in cold blood
B) Stealing Carol’s bra from the laundry basket
C) Pissing in the punch bowl at the Prison/Woodbury Shadie Hawkin’s dance
D) Prank calling Rick and pretending to be Lori.
Answer: A. Its beginning to look like Carl may be following more in the footsteps of Shane, then Rick. Personally, I can’t really say for sure that Carl did the wrong thing by killing that kid. He really was taking a long time to put his gun down. Also, Hershel.. no one likes a tattle tale.
11) Well well well. Look at who decides to get on the winning team? After being convinced by Karen that Rick and his group are actually the good guys, Tyreese and Sasha finally join up with Rick and return with them to the prison. It’s about damn time. But, that’s not the only thing Rick brings back with him to the prison.. What does Rick bring back..
A) Fresh pies and lawnmowers.
B) All the guns and ammo that Woodbury had to offer.
C) A new cross bow for Daryl.
D) All the remaining townspeople of Woodbury.
Answer: D. To Carl’s dismay, Rick decides to bring back everyone in Woodbury that the Governor didn’t kill. With the exception of Tyreese and Sasha, everyone seems to be either old or old. Way to refill the zombie fodder tanks, Rick!
Bonus question: After returning with all the town’s folk, what does Rick see when he looks for Lori’s approving ghost face on the balcony?
A) No Lori.
D) A goat.
Answer: A. Lori’s ghost seems to only appear when Rick feels like he’s making the wrong decision. So, he should expect to see her every time he eats gas station sushi.
Alright everyone, pencils down. Brings your test up to my desk and excite the classroom in an orderly fashion.